U.S. States: Having Fun with U.S. Map


ALASKA SHOULD BE SOLD TO CANADA: When Russia sold Alaska to the U.S. in 1867, the only reason Canada didn’t submit a bid was they were not an independent state until later that year. It would make sense now for the U.S. to sell Alaska to Canada, since it was a mistake to make it a state in the first place, as the area is physically separated from the continental 48 by over 1,500 miles, and it’s largely frozen tundra. The only string attached to the deal would be a condition that Canada also take Sarah Palin. While many Canadians would strongly object, seeing it as a deal breaker, they do have schools where she could perhaps learn something, and if they were just too scared about giving her citizenship, they could always require her to take a naturalization test. Any bets on whether Sarah would pass?

(Note: while Hawaii could revert to the independent status it had before we seized it by force, their weather is really too nice to let it go, so let’s not discuss any change of status for the islands).

CALIFORNIA SHOULD BECOME TWO STATES: If we give up Alaska, we need to add a state to get back to 50. California is not only big, ranging 770 miles from north to south, but it also has 38 million people, the largest population of any U.S. State. It should become two states, North California, and South California, split at its geographical center, North Fork, located just north of Fresno. The Constitution allows states to split into two, provided the legislature of the state and the U.S. Congress both consent. See Art. 4, Sec 3 (1) There is precedent, as Maine was severed from Massachusetts, and West Virginia was taken from Virginia.

TEXAS WOULD AGREE TO DUMP ALASKA & DIVIDE CA: Texans should go along with a comprehensive plan to get rid of Alaska, since the Lone Star state would then return to being first in size. The splitting of California into two, would send Texas into first place in population.

TEXAS WAS SUPPOSED TO SPLIT INTO FIVE STATES: To become first in size and population, Texas needs to give up something. When Texas was admitted to the union in 1845, it was granted the right to divide itself into five states. The Joint Resolution annexing Texas, which was approved by Congress on March 1, 1845, and signed by President Polk on Dec. 29, 1845, provides in part: “New states of convenient size, not exceeding four in number, in addition to said State of Texas, and having sufficient population, may hereafter, by the consent of said state, be formed out of the territory thereof, which shall be entitled to admission under the provisions of the Federal Constitution. Since Texas never broke up as envisioned, parts of it should now be given to New Mexico and Oklahoma. It is 529 miles from El Paso, Texas, in the southwest, located under New Mexico, to the capital at Austin, Texas. From Amarillo, Texas, due west of Oklahoma, in the northwest, it is 495 miles to Austin.

TEXAS SHOULD DEED EL PASO SW TO NEW MEXICO: Texas should just draw a line due south along the east border of New Mexico, and deed all lands west of it to New Mexico. They don’t need El Paso anyway, and by transferring more Rick Perry types into New Mexico, that state has a better chance of turning red in elections. This deal would need to be made with the devil, to make up for losing Alaska, and the creation of two Californias.

TEXAS DEEDS THE PANHANDLE AREA TO OKLAHOMA: Texas should also give up the Amarillo area, south of the panhandle, to Oklahoma. Oklahoma really does not need or want to be shaped like a panhandle anyway, because most people now use microwaves, and frying pans are becoming obsolete. Soon, no one will even know what the word “panhandle” means. It is far better for Oklahoma to get rid of a panhandle shape now, by drawing a line due west along their south border to New Mexico.

FLORIDA SHOULD DEED NW COAST TO ALABAMA: Since splitting California into two would move Florida up from third to second largest in population, they would have to give up something to make it happen. Florida spans from Miami in the southeast, north-westerly, along the Gulf of Mexico, to Pensacola, and almost to Mississippi, 700 miles away. The northwest part of Florida blocks most of what would otherwise be Alabama’s gulf coast. The Ellicott-Dunbar Line, along the 31st parallel, divides Alabama, to the north, and Florida to the south. It was drawn in 1795, under a treaty between the U.S. and Spain. As Alabama became a state in 1819, and Florida joined the union in 1845, the boundary continued. To open up more of Alabama to the gulf coast and the world, because frankly their Senators are generally very slow people who need to get out much more, Florida should deed 200 miles of their western gulf coast to Alabama.

MARYLAND SHOULD DEED LAND TO WEST VIRGINIA: Maryland’s northwestern Appalachian Plateau, Ridge and Valley Region, virtually in West Virginia, and connected to the rest of Maryland by just a 1.9 mile mountain strip at Hancock, should be deeded to West Virginia. Why does Maryland have this little sliver of land on the west side of the Appalachian Mountains, when the rest of the state is on the east side of the range? Just deed it to West Virginia already. Get rid of it.

MARYLAND SHOULD RECLAIM WASHINGTON DC: Since Maryland is going to give land to West Virginia, they need to get something in return, to make the deal happen. Although the 23rd Amendment gave the residents of Washington DC the right to vote for President, they still have no Senator or voting member in the House, and to put an end to their legitimate complaints about lacking representation, the district should be deeded to Maryland. The U.S. Constitution, Art. I, Sec 8 (17), gave Congress exclusive jurisdiction over the seat of the U.S. government, in a district not to exceed 10 square miles. Although the district was created in 1791, when Virginia and Maryland gave lands to the federal city, Virginia took their 31 square miles back in 1847, and it would appear Maryland would also has the right to retake their 69 miles, and they should do so. They should make DC a federal enclave.

MICHIGAN DEEDS UPPER PENINSULA TO WISCONSIN: It is 467 miles from Ironwood Michigan, at the Hurley, Wisconsin border on far western end of the Upper Peninsula (UP), to Lansing, the capital of the state, in Lower Michigan. A new line should be drawn from the northernmost end of Door County, Wisconsin, at Washington Island, due north to Lake Superior, such that all Michigan land due north of Wisconsin, is deeded to Wisconsin. The people of the UP, affectionately known as “youppers,” tried to form their own state 40 years ago, but lacked a sufficient population base to get serious consideration. They clearly feel very disconnected from Lower Michigan, and rightly so. Let’s give this slice of Michigan to Wisconsin.

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