Valentine’s Day: Who Started This?

Ok, it Valentine’s Day, Feb. 14, but where did it come from? Who’s responsible for this day, which is not a holiday, but celebrated like one?

Some say Feb. 14 became a romantic celebration, because it’s when the birds selected their mates.

Some say it all started during an ancient festival that honored Juno, the Roman goddess of women. This theory makes sense, since it’s not too much of a stretch to believe some Italian guy created a day for goddess worship.

Some say St. Valentine’s was named after a Roman priest who was beheaded in 270 A.D. The question is what the hell did that guy do? I mean–to get beheaded. Did he not grow any flowers for his princess, or forget to stop at the Roman candy shop?

Did you know Pope Gelasius changed Valentine’s Day from Feb. 15 to Feb. 14? But why did he do it? I mean what was wrong with the 15th anyway? Apparently, this particular Pope had a little thing going on, over on the side, if you know what I mean, and just couldn’t wait another frickin day, so he simply moved it up, since after all, he was the Pope. Must have been nice to be Pope.

In Sicily, unmarried women get up before dawn, stand by their windows until sunrise, and watch for the first man to go by, because he, or someone who looks exactly like him, will within the year become their groom. I suppose this is also where fast closing vertical blinds were invented.

In Derbyshire, England, young women circle a church 12 times at midnight, repeating the words: “I sow hempseed, hempseed I sow, he that loves me best, come after me now.” No one would doubt those birds just had to be growing weed.

I’ve got to go buy some chocolates

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